The Witcher: Henry Cavill is Hot and the Timeline is a Hot Mess

Recently, I branched out from my usual reality tv and rom coms genres to try out some fantasy – Netflix’s The Witcher to be specific. Now let me start out by saying that I am not a fantasy buff by any stretch of the imagination. I have a pretty strict rule of not reading any books that start with a map or a family tree because I know the world building is going to be too confusing for me. I respect the hell out of fantasy writers and readers because how you keep everyone straight I will never know.

But I had The Witcher recommended to me by a friend over Christmas when I was marathoning Lord of The Rings and thirst posting about Aragorn. She said The Witcher would scratch that itch and she was CORRECT. It took me about three episodes to google who this extremely hot, white-haired man was and I was both shocked and completely unsurprised to find that it was Henry Cavill. Unsurprised because I already knew Henry Cavill was unbelievably attractive (I’ve seen The Tudors, okay?) and shocked that I didn’t recognize his iconic jaw line earlier (that wig is doing a lot of work).

With that said, I think it is a testament to how hot Henry Cavill is that I actually finished this show because WOW is it confusing. For those who haven’t seen it (and there are some spoilers in this but they’re mostly questions because I don’t really know what happened), the story is primarily told out of chronological order. But it’s not really clear that it’s told out of order until people you’ve seen die are alive again and someone references it’s been 30 years between scenes. It took me about halfway through the season to even recognize that the show’s timeline was all over the place.

As the show goes on, some of the timelines start to converge – we start to see scenes again from different perspectives and understand how certain people are connected – which gives some clarity to particular plotlines. But a lot of the main action, I still don’t really understand. Why is Nilfgaard waging war on literally everyone? They say it’s just for more land, but that seems like a pretty weak explanation for killing every other main character in this series. What was up with the entire dragon subplot? What is going to happen with Geralt and Ciri’s relationship? Please tell me that he’s going to raise her as a daughter and that her being his destiny doesn’t have any creepy sexual connotations because this has caused me a lot of anxiety. Are Geralt and Yennefer going to end up together? Where in the timeline are we at the end of season one?

Like I said, SO many questions!

At the end of the day, do I recommend The Witcher? Yes because Henry Cavill’s hotness is enough to get you through, but be ready to google what the fuck is happening while you’re watching it. And with that, I leave with you a photo of Henry Cavill’s abs that got 1 million likes on Instagram.

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